I want to feel it. I want to feel you.
Tuesday, Apr. 05, 2005 at 3:44 p.m.
Dear Danny,
Im sorry. Im sorry for seeming so distant lately. I wish to god I could explain to you why I am liket this. Why I can be the happy one moment and practically suicidal the next. It really has nothing to do with you. It's my own fault; my own problem.
Im just not use to the way you treat me. And I dont know what things mean. I dont know how to take things. Im use to guys using me for sex. That is all ive ever been to anyone is sex. So when we are with each other and dont have sex it confuses me. It makes me feel unattractive. Ugly. Fat. Repulsive.
But I dont want to say anything to you about it. Mostly in fear I guess.
I just cant help to wonder why you dont want to have sex with me. Every time I give you that look or touch you you push me away. I just want to know what that means.
Because I love you.
Ive said it before and I'll say it again. I'll probably always say it....I just want someone to love me. Dont get me wrong. I know im loved. I can see it and I hear the words I just dont feel it.
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