Dear "God"
Thursday, Jan. 27, 2005 at 3:44 p.m.
Dear God,
Why couldnt you have made me beautiful? Irresistable? Wanted? Loved? Why did you make my worst enemy myself? My own mind?
Why cant you allow me to have happiness in life; with life? Why do you keep the things I want most in life out of reach?
I feel like you chewed me up and spit me out. Like a defective. A lost cause. I feel as though I am a project you never finished.
I dont even know why I am writing to you. Youve never given me a reason to believe you actually exsist. All youve shown me is pain. Give me something then take it away. Why do you play with my emotions? Tease me? Im not a fuckinf kitten. Why do you make the bad override the good? Never can I actually enjoy anything. If it's not emotional pain it;'s physical. Its fears and shame.
They say you love everyone but I guess there are exceptions to everything.
Left with doubt,
Jennifer
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