it's always one thing. Its always something. That is going to break my heart
Friday, Jan. 21, 2005 at 11:46 a.m.
Brian and I had sex again. In my room-on my bed! Inches away from everyone else in the house. How daring-how stupid! How fucking amazing!! Now I know what people mean when they say "great sex". I wish my dull words could allow you to realize how amazing he is. Telling me happy birthday when we finished.
I told him he was amazing. He said he could do better. How can it get any better than that? He made my whole body shake. My knee's, my arms. Ive never felt like that before. Never shaken like that before.
He hides something. Ive never known a guy to keep a shirt on durning sex. When I asked him why he was so secertive.. he said nothing. I said, "And I still dont know your last name." "Why does it matter?" Well, it does matter. It makes me feel nervous and disrespected that he wont tell me his number, his last name or anything about him really. He could atleat tell me why he wont tell me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Im starting to feel comfortable around Brian. Not caring if he see's my ugly body; my hideous scars. Which he has never said anything about. I guess it's possible he hasnt really seen them. It scares me. I think I might possibly be falling in love with him. But what is love? How do I know if I love him? I dont want to fucking love someone I dont even know.
I wish I could find the courage to ask him why he is keeping me in the dark about himself. To tell him that he needs to tell me what I am to him before I allow myself to fall for him. Before it gets any harder for me to forget him. Before he breaks my heart because I do not deserve that. Not this time.
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