i need a reason.....
Tuesday, Jul. 13, 2004 at 12:08 a.m.
My body aches from my fingertips to my toes. But nobody knows. I am all alone. My only friends are my enemies; my self-destructions.
Last night was one of thy worst nights Ive had in a long time. Last night was such a long night. Time had ceased - A complete halt.
So I ate pratically everything in sight then threw it up just for the kicks. With my throat burning; raw as skin and my fingers smelling of bile. I suddenly became light-headed could barely walk a straight line.
With this unbearable pain and complete numbness a razor accompanies. A brand new double headed shiney silver razor; virgin like. With each deep gash; razor kisses blood rushes out. Beading upon my snowy white skin quickly sliding down my leg. In an attempt to escape from the dark place it has been trapped before the natural healing process begins. In a respectable attempt to reach the light.
My whole body was shaking. My head was pounding. Thoughts rushed around at a million miles a second. Desperation leaking from every poor. Smell the aroma.
"Friends 4-ever", swollen red. Scrolled upon my thight. Every move a painful sting. No one can seen the pain I hold within. So maybe a scar covered body can tell the story words could never begin to explain. Maybe pink gashes can whisper all the secrets my mind holds.
Some people want all the things the world holds; Some people want it all. But I dont. All I want is eternal contentment and love. All I want is for my life to be about more than suicidal thoughts and destruction.
Most.of.all.I.need a.reason.to.live.
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