I feel you missing from my heart, a part was kidnapped from my soul.
Friday, Jun. 11, 2004 at 1:31 a.m.
Because I dont think I will ever be anything more to him than just a stand in. Someone to take her place until she can come back.
Because I am almost positive that if we were still going out when he met her he would have either cheated on me or broke up with me.
Because I cant believe this hurts so much; this much. And what des he see when he looks at me? Im nothing to him. But if he admitted that it would kill me.
I just have to know what I am to him. I dont want to be second best; what he settles for. Because I can do better. I just need to know if I even have a chance. Because If I dont then im not gonna put myself through this. Im not going to put off getting over him. Im not going to continue to have sex with him.
Im not going to put my heart and soul into this; put my fears aside if he loves someone else. If he doesnt love me. Sometimes I sense he pretends I am her.
I need to remember he is the one who came back to me; the one who called me. So he should be the one feeling like this, asking these questions, having these thoughts. He should be the crying and cutting.
So instead I think Im just going to try once more to get over him. To put his memory behind me. And in a few weeks if he says he wants a relationship or what not ever then we will see how I feel about it then.
If it were up to me I'd never have to miss you.
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