tomorrow isnt worth seeing.
Thursday, Jun. 10, 2004 at 1:08 a.m.
Ryan FINALLY called me today. He said he stayed an extra day in Michigan. I went over to his house today and everything that is inevitable happened. I did however, say everything to him that I needed to say.
"Am I ever going to be anything more to you than just someone to fuck?" He said yes. "How do I know for sure?" I guess you never will, thats all we've ever done. And he doesnt want a relationship right now. Maybe in a few weeks. "Am I suppose to just wait for you? I like you so much. I just dont want to be led on." No, dont wait for me. But as you can see no one is calling me. "Yea, me either."
He then said something about me not wanting to be someone's fuck toy. But that is all I really am. But I guess I will wait for him because I have nothing better to do.
So tonight I will sit alone again. With dried blood on my thighs. Because I cant take this anymore. With dried tears on my face. Because it hurts so much. And with a beer in my hand. Because I dont want to feel like this right now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He said something tonight; something else, that literally sliced through my weak heart. He said that if that girl were older they would get married. And if he doesnt have anyone in a few years he will look her up. I told him to shut up before I got jealous but I dont think he got it.
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