I see a murder in my future.
Wednesday, Jun. 09, 2004 at 1:53 a.m.
I waited up for hours because you said you'd call me. But now I can hardly hold my eyes open. Slowly I drift into a comatose like state. But jump up at every sound in hopes it will be you, calling like you said you would.
Here I am again, awaiting the call you promised 24 hours ago. Here I am still waiting. Nearly crying and making myself nauseous thinking that you could be with her. Forcing myself not to call you because I dont want to seem obsessive. Forbidding myself to cut because I dont want the scars anymore.
And I cant help but to think the words you spoke to me nearly a week ago was just a line to get me into bed. Well, atleast you know it works. "I want to give you a second chance" were the words that sliced through my heart because it's all I wanted to hear for months. But everytime I call you you seem to act like you dont want to talk to me and you say you'll call me later. But you've yet to. You said you wanted to give me a second chance but I am the one acting on your intentions. What I was under the impression your intentions were. Please dont fucking do this to me.
All I have to say to you is if you really are with that girl, then I dont fucking want you. And when you realize for the second time that the age difference is just too much, dont fucking call me and whisper meaningless words. Dont tell me what an awesome person I am and all that shit you already said to me. Because it will mean nothing. Dont try and lead me on for the third time. Because no matter how much I think I love you I wont let that get in the way of my hating you. If you are with her I promise you my love you dont know I have for you will have turned to cold blooded hatred.
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