and the nicotine attacks are just around the turn.
Tuesday, May. 25, 2004 at 2:28 a.m.

Tom called while I was at work. He left me an unbelievable message. He called me cutie and said he just wanted to know he was thinking of me. That has to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. But it does make everything so much worse. Why does he have to be married? WHY??

But that just proves the point that we can be nothing more because he's treat me like shit and cheat on me when he gets bored with me. And I will refuse to take that. I deserve better. Sure I have strong feelings for him but I love myself so much more. But his message was still so sweet. And I fell a little harder tonight.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mark the day (May 25, 2005) mark the time (2:22 am). I just smoked my last cigarette. Im quitting! I decided its just not me anymore. Besides, I like my lungs. Plus I just want to see if I can infact do it.

There are a lot of things Im gonna quit doing. Smoking pot, cutting, being so immature and unresposible, not taking care of myself physically and mentally and anything else that just isnt good for me as a person. I think its just time I take life more seriously. Pretty soon Im going to be a college student. And I will finally start living in the "real world". I want to be something and these are the first small steps in achieving my goals.

I will never give up
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