...maybe just this last time I'll talk about him
Saturday, Apr. 24, 2004 at 2:18 a.m.
I slept for about 7 hours tonight. Because that is what my life has amounted to: Sleeping on a friday night. The whole time I dreamt about Ryan (surprize surprize). I had about 5 different dreams about him. Within one dream I came to realize something. I realized why I cheated on him. I was finally able to grasp it. And it only took a dream to do it.
It was basically a control thing. I knew that I could lose him at any moment. Frankly that scared me. I think that fear was mistaken for a fear of trust and commitment. The way I think I subconsciously figured was the only way I was going to lose him was if it was something I did. I wasnt going to allow him or god or anyone else to fuck it up. So I went and fucked it all up. Of course he wasnt suppose to find out. But he did. THANK YOU VERY MUCH JUSTINE, MY BEST FRIEND!!!!
I seen my actions in a different light in this dream.
New Memories Profile Notes Fans E-mail Guestbook Glitter Tramp Design Host