gray gray clouds are a hangin over my head
Monday, Mar. 29, 2004 at 3:03 a.m.
Well, I called him the other night and he was working so he told me to call him back in a half hour. Or course my pussy ass waited for a hour and a half. He never answered.
Then last night some boy called me on Ryan's phone. Saying Ryan wanted to know why I called him. If he wants to know he can ask me himself. Then his 14 year old girlfriend (he's 25! Am I the only one who see's a problem with this?) was saying in the background that I needed to stop calling him. Well fuck her. I also heard Ryan say something about not calling him for four months, I could tell he was drunk. Then that boy started making fun of me like he knew me. "I like to fuck russians." he said about a dozen times. My response was plainly a "Fuck you!" CLICK.
So atleast I tried. I made my effort to apologize. I suppose thats good enough for me. I realize it's probably not but I'll live with it. I made a mistake, I fucked up and that's that; I'll learn from it. Atleast I didnt love him. I still dont know if I regret giving Pasha that blowjob but I do regret what came of it.
And as I said, I didnt know if I'd be pissed that he still wouldnt talk to me after I apologized or if he wanted me back. I think I would have regretted getting back with him. I know I would.
But in the end it doesnt matter and is probably better this way. Its better Im not with someone like him. He never excited me. He was mainly a good fuck and someone that showed affection towards me and nothing more.
And I never did apologize to him.
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So dont look over your shoulder. Just move on. Never allow yourself to think about it or him. Because he's not worth it.
Just remember: He fucked your best friend. What kind of person does that make him? And what kind of person would wanting him back make you?
Im so much better than that. deserve so much more.
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