Slowly slowly slowly it takes over my mind.
Sunday, Feb. 22, 2004 at 2:45 a.m.

Why do I subject myself to such bullshit? If its not one things its another. I guess I get some kind of sick pleasure out of it. Out of being treated like a bitch; a less than equal. I hate it but I love it. It pisses me off but turns me on at the same time. It thrills me but will be what kills me. I am a sick individual.

Same tears different reasons. SO am I really anymore happy as before? I cant say. Im just sick of crying.

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*Have you ever loved someone so fucking bad it hurts? And what hurts even more is knowing they dont love you back? They just take advantage of you and what your willing to do for them. They know you will never say no because you love them so damn much. And are willing to do anything they say because your such a dumb naive inexperienced litte girl who thinks that he obviously must atleast like you if they are willing to have sex with you.

But little does she know that he's a guy and does not think like you do. Sex and love are never used in the same sentence. Unless its just a "oh my god I love you" when he is cumming; it slipped. Guys dont have to love you to fuck you. Why cant she get that through her head? Why does she make the same mistakes over and over again? Because all she ever wanted was love. Somehow this makes up for what she lacks.

I will never give up
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