Its the end of the world as I know it.
Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 at 9:25 p.m.
I told Justine the whole thing about Tony. I knew I shouldnt have. At first she said she didnt care and all this shit. She seemed so fine about it. But then last night I was at russians house, she of course fucking left me there again. People are being dicks and Im just having a bad time. She made me feel horrible about it and that it was my fault. B/c she thinks ive always wanted him. No, I just understand where he comes from.
Pasha was there and I just feel rejection by him. It seems he doesnt even want me for sex anymore. What do you do then?
Justine calls me at about 12:30 am and starts telling me how we are bad for each other and the russians are bad for us and all this shit. I dont know what I am suppose to be thinking but Its the worst. So here I am sitting outside in the cold freezing, drunk and crying my eyes out.
I dont want to lose her nor do I want to stop hanging out with Pasha or any of the other ones. B/c they have made me happy. I called her a few minutes ago and she declined my call. That hurt. Everything just hurts.
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