Didnt know today was the 1st.
Monday, Dec. 01, 2003 at 10:56 p.m.
I was thinking today that not being friends or atleast talking to and hanging out with Kt and Lisa really isnt so bad after all. I know last year it fucking ate me up inside. It honestly killed a small part of me.
But my life right now, besides the obvious bullshit and inevitable pain isnt really so bad. I havent cut for quite a while and am not obsessing about food. I use to weight myself numerous times a day. I cant even tell you when the last time I did that was. I know that this part is just a phrase I go throught and will be back to constantly worrying about it in a matter of weeks. But for now Im enjoying the ride.
Not only that but the men I am constantly surrounded by make me feel so beautiful. Mostly the Russian guys. I also know that they mainly just want sex and yea I will have to say that some of them are so completely hot and its hard to say no to them. But I think there has to be some sexual attraction there. I cant imagine people sleeping with someone else just for the satisfaction.
I dunno maybe that makes me like every other cynical girl. But I honestly love when guys tell me I am pretty or sexy or anything of that nature. It wasnt too long ago that I told myself I was fat and ugly every waking minute and I didnt deserve to be liked by any male. Its kinda like I need that rush to get me through the day.
I suppose that is a sad thing to say.
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