Present thoughts.
Sunday, Apr. 06, 2003 at 10:07 p.m.
At first it really bothered me that certain said friends had decided to completely ignore me. Only after doing pratically everything together in the previous years. And what really perturbed me was the fact that after writing a very long letter expressing my feelings about the situation everything stayed the same. (That is something that I never do. I never normally express my feelings in such a deep way like that. So after it had no effect it made me shut everything in even more.) One said friend stated that she realizes this and is sorry and promised to make things return to normal. But her actions spoke MUCH louder than her words.
And as the year progressed and nothing changed, I continued to stay home on the weekends and feel sorry for myself. I have come to realize that even tho a person does need friends. That maybe these people arent my friends. And if they are, after high school I will probably never talk to them again anyway. So why am I killing myself over this? Why am I putting myself thru hell when its obviously not bothering them?
I guess what I am saying is that I need to move on. Get over it. I know that I have a problem with dwelling over things. It is said that, that which does not kill you will only make you stronger.
So maybe its time for me to grow up, face any fears that I may have and actually start living my life. Its time to stop putting it on hold. Time for me to figure out who the hell it is that I am and time to stop waiting for people that obviouly forgot about me a while ago.
If only I had some encouragement. I will have to be the one cheering me on.
The question that still stands is..... what do I do if said friends decide that all of a sudden they need me again? Do I be a bitch and treat them how I was treated? Or do I suck up my pride and be the friend that I always have been?
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