I fall down.
Sunday, Nov. 13, 2005 at 12:26 a.m.

Being without you is killing me. I want so badly to call you; to go and see you but I cant. I want you to know how it feels to be pushed to the side. I want you to feel what Ive been feeling these last few weeks. But it doesnt seem you are feeling it. For if you were you would have called by now.
You are 23 years old. You've been married and divorced. You have a son for christs sake. Its time for you to grow up. Of course it's fun to party party but in the end that isnt going to get you anywhere. Your still going to be living at mommy's house, driving a shitty van that im surprized even still runs.
So why cant you see how much you mean to me? Why wont you hear what I say to you? I thought the letter I gave to you, the one my heart was poured out onto would show how much you mean. I guess maybe you've forgotton. I can play that game too. I can forget.
It wont be easy but I could never talk to you again and I would be just fine. Not saying I want to but could do it if forced. And it looks like that is what you are making me do.

I wish you would grow up. Be a fucking man. Maybe the question is not why you are being this way, pushing me away but what the fuck am I doing falling for a boy?

I will never give up
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