Scared to be alone. But already alone
Sunday, Oct. 30, 2005 at 7:35 p.m.
So I thought having Chris back would just be the most wonderful thing in the world. I was wrong. Again. Why am I always fucking wrong? What do I have to do to just be right about something for once?
Maybe its my own damn fault. If I didnt get so attached to people. If I had a real life of my own. If I didnt get so bored so easily. If something could just keep my attention for more than a second maybe I would be alright. Its the negitive thoughts that are killing me. Its the jealously factor. Its the fact that I am so scared to ever be alone.
Its also because drinking, to him, is the most important thing in the world. As long as he has beer nothing else matters. No one else exsists.
And I know what he's thinking, I'll forgive the fact he never called like he said, the fact he left me to stay up all night waiting on the phone call to come pick him up, to take him to work this morning. He thinks i'll let it slide because I like him so damn much. Well, he's wrong. If I do he'll just keep doing it.
And besides, Without him Ive got nothing. What a better way to start off new with absolutely nothing. I'll just ruin my entire life and start again.
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