lie them open on the counter
Saturday, Aug. 13, 2005 at 2:23 a.m.
The urge to slit my wrists and lay open my veins have been strong lately. No real particular reason. Seeing as how im the happiest ive been in awhile.
Cuts other place seem to no longer satisfy me. I just cant seem to cut deep enough. There is never enough blood; not as much as I want anyway. Which makes me feel like a failure. How pathetic when I cant even hurt myself the right way. How fucking sad is that?
The only reason why I dont slit my wrists? There are a few. For one I dont want to die. And there is always a chance that could happen. And I dont want the scars cutting there would produce. Yet at the same time that is the reason why I want to do it. For the beautiful scars.
Life gets more and more complicated with each passing day. I think I think too much. I wish I knew how to turn my brain off. Even for a little while. Thoughts rush around my head a million miles an hour 24 hours a day. Its fucking killing me.
*~*~*~*~*~*
"Ah, what despair!- What harted she felt!- She needed this man for her salvation, he was all she had to live for, and yet she could not believe him... not really. She needed him in order to live, but he was not worth her dying....She promised herself this: When she got back home, when she was alone, she would draw the razor more deeply across her arm." -Ditto
*I'll never kill myself over him*
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