You read deeper into me.
Thursday, Feb. 10, 2005 at 3:52 p.m.
It is so embarrassing to have let you read my thoughts. To have let you know things about me no one else does. It makes me ashamed of the person I am and the things Ive done to myself. Things I should not be ashamed of. Because it is the only way I know how to deal with this. With this depression. Without cutting, I think I would have killed myself a long time ago. Yea, it's funny isnt it? Cutting myself so I can live.
I can't help but to wonder... how does this effect you? How does my self destructions hurt you? It's kinda nice though.. that someone cares enough about me to tell me to stop. To just stop.
And how do I begin to do that? How do I begin to stop something that has saved me on many occassions? You arent there. I cant call you when I just MUST cut myself. I dont have you there to tell me that I dont need to do this to myself. You arent always there to comfort me. So why dont you tell me how it is that im suppose to fucking do that?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
School makes me want to do drugs.
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