tears of a final realization.
Friday, Nov. 12, 2004 at 12:57 a.m.
Remember when I use to say I could never live without Justine? Remember when I use to claim that if we ever stopped being friends I would end up killing myself because life just wouldnt be worth living? Well, I found out that I really can go on living without her in my life. As hard as that will honestly be.
Over this last half of a year I have found that I am not as dependent on her as I once was; as I thought I was. We are just growing apart. My life is going in one direction and she is headed the other way. I am going north and her to the south. I hate that our friendship and the closeness we once held is slowly disipating but I suppose that is just how life is. I despies that a so called man has taken my place in her life but there is nothing I can do about that.
One person cannot hold up a true friendship. This is just something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. As will she. I cannot continue to fool myself into thinking we are ever going to be like we once were. Some things cannot be taken back and some things can never be gotten back.
It has been said that If you truly love something or someone then you have to let them go and if they come back to you then they are yours to keep. So I am putting all my faith into that and letting her go; hoping for the best. In the worst scenerio I will have officially lost my best friend.
I am letting John win. Because I honestly think the reason he hates me is because Justine and I held this unexplainable bond that only time can build. But she made her choice a long time ago and I realize that if she had to choose between the two of us it would be him she chooses. And I will not force her to make such a desicion even though he has a million times already.
I am giving up. I am being the better person and letting ten years of memories and love slip through my fingers because I am tired of fighting a war I never had the chance of winning. Its been nothing more than a suicide mission and I just want to live.
I truly love her more than anything in the world and I always will. I will never forget the memories and everything we shared together and Im glad to say that I know what it is like to have once had a best friend. To know that it is like to have lost one too. I also know that I will probably never find someone like her as long as I live.
I just pray to God that he will allow her to have a wonderful life with john even though he by no means deserves her. Because he takes her for granted. Because he will NEVER be able to understand or know her like I once did. No one ever could. I just hope she never misses me. That she will never have to go through the pain of missing me.
Im letting her go because that is what a friends for....Realizing what is best for the other person and setting their own feelings aside so that they may be happy beyond explaination.
Because I love her. I just wish she loved me too.
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