Missing.It
Friday, Aug. 06, 2004 at 3:03 a.m.
Everything about that moment reminded me of last winter. For that entire hour everything was familiar again; back in its place. I was like a time traveler revisiting the past.
The air was cold and the sun was rising; just beyond the horizon. The time-exactly whe we'd be coming home or perhaps on our way somewhere. The horrible feeling of being drunk and high and being awake while your fianlly sobering up. Techno music was blaring from the radio. I could still remember the words to every song. "Its been a long time since we seen the sun rise." I dont think she heard me.
Everything about that moment reminded me of everything we use to be. Of the fun we had, the things we did-of staying up all night to party and the people we use to know. At that time we would either be coming back from seeing the russians or heading off to be with them. It almost made me cry knowing all of that is really over. That these times have become so rare.
I wanted to forget why we were really out at 5 in the morning. That we werent out driving to places we've never been to meet up with someone. We werent out for the same reasons we use to be.
The only things missing was the snow on the ground and knowing I would be going back to my house and not sneaking into her parents house.
I hate times like those. I hate when every sound and every passing object reminds me of th sleepless nights spent with russian men.
The times when I felt beautiful.
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