/s.a.v.e./m.e./
Friday, Apr. 16, 2004 at 12:02 a.m.
All I really ever wanted from life was someone to love me. I dont need some shrink to tell me that. I dont need anyone to tell me because I can see it for myself.
Im one of those people who are scared to be alone. I constantly need someone there to comfort me. To help me stand on my own two feet. When I dont have that I crumble to the ground. And I stay there until someone is willing to pick me back up. I'll never make it through life on my own.
Then one day when I least expected it I found that someone who loved me and was willing to hold me up. Perhaps it was the first one, I cant really say. All I know is that it scared me to death. Because Im also one of those people who was taught never to trust anyone. Which is ironic considering thats all I ever really wanted anyway.
So what do I do? I did everything I could to ruin it. To chase him away. To much of my regret it worked. That brings a new meaning to self destruction. I found a new way to self mutilate. Instead of hurting the outside of my body I managed to find a way to hurt the inside. I found a way to inflict pain on my own heart.
It goes to show I can't even trust myself.
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