....This needs to be over now....
Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 at 11:17 p.m.
I am a slut. I realized how true those words were last night. Last night when Pasha called me and I came running. It was last night when I came to terms with the fact he really does use me. He fucked me and left. He came back and wouldnt even talk to me.
I love him; I truly do but I love myself more. I know that when I tell him I cant keep doing this to myself he will tell me how he can have any girl in the world, I know he is right. But Im going to have to be strong and tell him to use them. I dont want to be stupid anymore.
Someone told me that I needed to treat myself better; I deserved more. That I was a nice person who shouldnt let guys use me like I do. But I dont think I will ever find a guy who will love me. I thought I had that with Ryan but I was wrong. It seems that I am always wrong.
This is bringing me to tears. I have to stop writing.
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