i hate myself sometimes
Wednesday, Dec. 17, 2003 at 10:06 a.m.

School is such a fucking waste of time anymore; it just doesnt seem important to me. Ive gotten so caught up in the direction my life is going right now. I am honestly surprized I still come to school and put what little effort into it I do.

I realize im on a bad road to self destruction. And not with cutting because surprizingly I havent cut in so long. But with letting guys use me, drugs and alcohol. Saturday I was with Paha, I asked him if he was just using me for sex (even though Ive only given him a bj. Weve said we wanted to do it.) He said no but I told him he was lying to me. "If thats what you want to think, you dont think I cant go to the mall and get a girl? But I dont want to. I want to be here with you." Is what he said to me.

I cant help to question his every move. Why the fuck is he even with me?

I will never give up
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