Fuck your flower garden.
Tuesday, Apr. 15, 2003 at 10:53 p.m.
At first I was happy I met him. I loved him. But the love only brought pain. I was happy for the pain because it brought words ive never spoken before. I loved the words. The storys, the poems and the feelings. Now the pain is overcoming the words. Im not sure my words are worth my pain. I know my pain isnt worth your love. Surely not these words.
(cousins screenname here): then i was like do u talk to jen (last name here) a lot?
(cousins screenname here): jen he hates you
(his screenname here):i hate her
(his screenname here): cuz shes short.
There is more but none of it shows any other importance. Except that after saying she would say she knows me, she went on to tell him that i was here cousin. Mainly b/c (i guess) she wanted to know if he thought she was hot and he said no. Then she comes to find out that I never brought in pictures of her. Dont get me wrong. I love her to death. But she just basicly ruined my ever even making it thru this year alive at the exspense of wanting a guy who is a fucking prick think she is hot. So i hope my tears are worth it to her.
And that is one thing that pisses me off about her. She acts like she doesnt think she is cute at all. When i know she knows. And you know how people who know they are hot act. But then maybe she doesnt think she is. However, she still has that attitude. Yea. Yea that hurts.
But no im not mad. No. I guess I will get over it. I do with everything else. Shit... and i thought today was gonna be somewhat good. Its inevitable. Does God just give some people shitty lives to test them? Does he think that the people with lives like mine can handle it. Is that why he gives certain people great lives and other shitty ones? What is he thinking? I dont want to be able to handle it anymore. I need out.
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