Relentless Pursuit
Saturday, Jan. 18, 2003 at 8:37 p.m.
"I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on. And I know it's around me somewhere, but I just can't feel it. What I do feel is the scariness of being an adult, being alone in this big huge loft with so many CDs and plastic bags and magazines and pairs of dirty plates on the floor that i cant even see the floor. Im sure that i have nowhere to run., that I cant even walk anywhere without tripping and falling way down., and I know I want out of this mess. I want out. No one will ever love me, I will live and die alone, I will go nowhere fast., I will be nothing at all. Nothing will work out. The promise that on the other side of depression lies a beautiful life, one worth surviving suicide for, will have turned out wrong. It will be a big dupe."-Prozac Nation
"Im gonna sit here and pretend I dont know you." I know he was kidding, atleast Ive told myself over and over that he was just kidding. But still those words hurt me. I had to take a step back and put things in prospective for myself. Somewhere along this short journey something changed between us. Was he hoping that I would be more? Did I let HIM down? Im everything he thinks I am and more. I just dont know how to show it. Every chance I get I let myself down. Im just a big bag of let downs. That is all I am to myself.
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