Thanks for nothing
Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2003 at 11:20 p.m.
I need to start acting more like myself. I need to stop being afraid of life. I need to grow up. Just wait and see just wait and see. Everything is gonna get better. A promise to myself. Its time I put these old feeling and emotions in a bottle and store them on the shelf high above. Let them collect dust and never be opened again.
My little sisters birthday is sunday. She will be 11. Ive missed about 9 years of her life. Sometimes I forget I have sisters and a brother. I forget that i ever had a mother. Its hard for me to convince myself of what use to be. My older sisters birthday is the 31st. It horrible for me to say, but I dont even know how old she will be. Ive missed her whole life. Its been 10 years and I dont think reality has sunk in yet.
Some nights I dream that I go home. Its as if i were only gone for the weekend. But in my dream everyone is happy to see me again. My little sister runs up and hugs me, my older brother lightly punchs me in the arm. Just like old times. There is my mom on the chair smoking her cigarette, she smiles at me. But then I wake up and realize I AM home. My sister isnt there nor is my brother. My mom, she is gone, no longer smiling. I remember that she never smiled at me anyway.
Ive long since decided that i wouldnt change a single thing about my life. Not my past or the mistakes ive made. B/c this is what shaped me. These experiences are what gave me my point of view. Im happy with who i am. I guess I mainly have my mother to thank for that.
New Memories Profile Notes Fans E-mail Guestbook Glitter Tramp Design Host