I shouldnt have to be doing this.
Monday, Jul. 05, 2004 at 1:37 a.m.
There has some things going on with me that I didnt really want to tell anyone about. But it's starting to eat away at my insides. I dont want to go through it alone.
My "period" is about a week late and I am "freaking out" for a lack of better words for two reasons.. 1. Because of what I just said and 2. It means I must have done something with that guy the night I was so completely incoherent. Because I know for a fact it wouldnt be Ryan's.
I decided that I needed to take a pregnancy test. So after akward stares that was involved with buying one I took it....alone. I didnt want to tell Justine because Im sure instead of her being there for me she would have been rambling "I told you so's.
The next three minutes were absolute hell. I sat on the bathroom floor with my head buried in my hands; praying to God.
I probably sat there for well over 10 minutes. I just couldnt bring myself to look at the stick. With tears running down my face and thoughts of things I would never be able to do, Ryan, who would probably never want anything else to do with me again and the disappointment I finally brought myself to look. My heart dropped....one line, negitive.....no baby. But I have my doubts because It's yet to come.
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