.....bitch.
Monday, Mar. 15, 2004 at 11:37 p.m.

Suddenly I miss Ryan so much. I want him to hold me in his arms again. For him to look at me like the first night I met him. I just want to talk to him. I miss him so much it hurts.

It's a fucking conumdrum. How I am scared of what I want. How I want something so bad one day and cant stand it the next. I am a stupid bitch. How could I have cheated on him and fucked things all up? Why? Why? Why????

Some nights I get a stabbing urge to call him and apologize. As if that would make things all better. To just cry my eyes out and pray he wants me back. I realize it isnt that easy. Why do I ruin every good thing in my life?

I will never give up
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