Im one big phobia
Friday, Jun. 27, 2003 at 2:42 p.m.
I wish I didnt know about everything that I know about. I wish I had no knowledge of the world. I wish I were stupid. That I could say I always knew I would be nothing and I didnt have potential. I wish "you can be anything you want to be" didnt apply to me.
I wish I was close minded and didnt care about other people and their feelings. I wish I were selfish. That I only cared about my self.
Why can ppl acknowledge that I have abnormal fears? Why cant they realize that Im scared of life and everything it has to offer? My family thinks that If they dont already know about it, then it doesnt exist. They laugh and make fun of me b/c im "weird" they are convinced im using these "fears" for an excuse to be lazy. ...IM NOT...
I couldnt tell you where they came from, but I know that I have them.
*Im scared to get a job
-I may fail
-Means talking to ppl that I do not know
*Im scared to grow up
-I wont be able to support myself
-I cant make it alone again
-I will be alone
*Im scare to try and be what it is I want to be when i grow up.
-I will fail
-I may mess up
-I will never know everything I need to know.
Plus so much other shit that honest to god scares the hell outta me to a point where I will do almost anything to avoid it.
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