And my problem is this.....
Wednesday, Mar. 12, 2003 at 2:17 p.m.
How are you going to ignore me all day yesterday? And when I say never talk to me again you say, Fine I never talk to you anyway. When we got our seats moved why did I have to be beside you? How are you going to give me dirty looks when we seen each other in the hall today? But then only an hour later talk to me like nothing is wrong?
I need to stop giving in. I want to be strong like I use to be. Before you broke me down without even trying. I need to get my quick comes backs back and not be afraid to say or do stupid shit. And that is my problem. I will tell you what it is...........
Somewhere along the path of life I have lost the little bit of courage I did have. Im more self consicous than I ever have been before. (If that is even possible) I lost my sense of self worthyness and my sense of humor. My ability not to care what anyone thought and If I did I had a way of just putting it aside and not worry about it. Im too vunerable and count on other people too much. That is everything that I have learned not to be or do. Everything that I taught myself I have lost. Or perhaps missed placed. I hope to get it back. One can not just lose something like that can they?
You dont just learn something, believe in it and live by it just to forget it in the future. You just dont... I just dont. And that is my problem. Maybe its b/c my "friends" arent there anymore. My shoulders to lean on have left. They were my courage, what kept me going. Now that they are gone I am gone too.
If I dont get all of that back, i may never be the same again.
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