you guys are my family
Sunday, Nov. 03, 2002 at 10:27 p.m.
Today. Have you ever felt the urge to suddenly just kill your family? I know that i have. And tonight was one of those nights. My grandma told me that i am ungrateful and do not care, that i have an attitude. But i have to be and act this way for MY own good. I just figured out why. Why i must be the way i am. Its b/c i dont want to ever end up like any of them.
I wouldnt have any problem walking away and never turning back. I have done it once before and i have been left once before. My mother and her whole side of the family couldnt care any less about me. At first it tore me apart. +it killed me+ But i have gotten over it, them. And they are the ones that taught me to trust no one and be careful who I let in. (Which is kind of hypicritical to have an online diary)
No matter how much i love them i know that b/c of my past i could easily leave and never come back. Sure i would feel the pain for a little while, but i would get over it.
The only person i could never leave is amanda. All those times i have been in such a low place or "depressed", she is the reason why i didnt just kill myself. Never could i put her thru such pain. You have done more for me than either of us know. THANK YOU
I could never leave my friends either........they are my true family.
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