no words can express
2002-09-05 at 9:24 p.m.
I dont even have words for this so just read it...............
Jennifer-
I remember when you were first born, you were so tiny and I remember all of us knowing that the odds were against you. I remember things were so bad with your mom and dad that you had to come stay at my house when you were first out of the hospital. I know and remember your dad constantly calling upon the family to come get you out of an explosive situation and to help with your care and well-being. I know that your mom in her own way loved and still does love you, I know too that your dad has always and will always love you. Most importantly we all, love you and will always love you. I may not know half of what you have been through in your life but I do know that you have been severely abused in many different ways...Jennifer I remember you yourself calling grandma and grandpa in the middle of the night scared and worried for your own life as well as your little sisters life. The day that your mother turned you over to grandma and grandpa to care for you was the best day of your life whether you want to believe it or not. They may not be the young parents who do everything for you, and they may not understand all of your actions but they are the people that have always been their for you and loved, supported and cared for you. You're father did the best thing also by signing his rights over to them also, you're dad deep down is a great man but honestly he isn't the best father material but he tries to do the best for you. I'm sorry though, drinking and encouraging you towards alternative lifestyles is not the best parenting, that is not the best role model for a struggling teenager...Sorry Jerry if this pisses you off, I know that I am not the best parent but Jennifer is screaming for help and no one is trying to reach her in the most positive way or willing to flat out tell her to straighten up.
You know I'm not stupid, I am almost positive that you have smoked a cigarette or do smoke, drank alcohol, smoked pot and tried various other drugs, your low self esteem wouldn't put it past me that if a boy did give you attention that you wouldn't jump at any advances made to you...you're 17 and live in a small town where all of these things are right at you're finger tips...
What I do know is that you are very intellectual, any writings that I have seen from you are signs of your intelligence, so why do you hide behind that act that you are so "stupid" because you think that we all buy into, the poor Jennifer she's dumb and can't do anything act. I'm tired of it Jennifer! This summer I thought would be so fun and we would do lots of things...you're lack of caring attitude really made the summer suck, you're a spoiled, self-absorbed bitch who could give a shit about anyone who should really matter to you. You do need some professional help, this is not about me right now so don't turn it around on me like I know you would like to, the abuse that you have sustained in your early years need to be worked through, you're lack of connection, depression, antisocial skills need guidance..that boy that killed himself this summer, your friend, I believe my mom said that you stated no one sought him help, look he is DEAD...I don't want you to be with him...there is so much life to live and constantly thinking of how you should be dead is morbid...I am the person who is urging you to seek some help before you end up like that boy! Everyone is afraid to confront you, ooh power trip for you to hear that I am sure, you have that much control over them all, but it is true. No one has confronted you and told you to snap out of it and seek the help you need, don't you won't to do better for yourself? Don't you want to have a good education, good job and good life in the end? Why don't you open yourself up to the ones who truly love you and let us be there for you? Don't you want to get out of small town life and really make something of yourself?! Jennifer you need to really think about what you want and how you can attain that
I love you very much and I know you are hating me very much right now, but I can't sit back any more and watch you waste your talent and intelligence any more. I am here to help you and I want to see you get help...I don't want to get a phone call that you were depressed and killed yourself to end your pain...don't become a statistic, become the beautiful individual that you are
So thought I'd just make you hate me for the rest of our lives but know I do honestly do this out of love and concern for you. Hopefully I have made you want to sit and think about yourself and what you really want!
Shannon
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